I
I am freshly out of a 25 min meditation, and I must tell you it went well. Not that we should be judging our meditations or whatever, because I’m told that isn’t the thing. Anyway I’m a bit jet-lagged and also had some coffee, so today’s meditation sensation felt less like deep rest and more like a good trip. Which is to say, I loved it. I can’t even begin to explain the array of thoughts I’m plagued with these days, from the laughable to obsessive to the downright hopeless. All can occur in the space of a day - this year, it’s the luck (or skill) of the draw. In my mediation this morning, a single line kept coming to me,
“you’ve got it. You’ve got it. You’ve done the work,”
which, let me tell you, is NOT how I’ve been feeling. So I’m going to assume it’s a message from God. 💡 The takeaway (God’s voice) was telling me that I am still not getting it, that I am capable and light-filled. My love is a Fuchsia / Lavender infinite gradient pulsating with light and I should allow what I have created to fall into my hands and spend less time obsessing and trying to control and more time in Active and resolute Enjoyment, more time receiving, more time believing that a lot of the things that have gone West went that way because they were never meant to be and that my mission is not to force things, instead my mission is to ALLOW! Gotcha, God.
II
My friend went to see a Feng Shui woman, and the Feng Shui woman said that her work isn’t going the way it’s supposed to because my friend’s desk faces South, and it’s totally not supposed to. That’s the very worst direction you can face for optimum work, maximum success. I checked with the Internet, and the Feng Shui woman is correct, of couse. I go back to where I’m staying and, using the iPhone compass, figure out where exactly my desk should be, but East and North throw my whole room out. If I fix this issue, the furniture will be on the diagonal. That said, I’m one of those people who consults the experts. I listen. I trust. I believe most things within reason and beyond. If someone says they speak with the dead, for example, who am I to disagree?
III
Alright, I’ll tell you (twist my arm). A couple of years ago, I developed a kind of nervous tic. It happens when I’m concentrating hard / trying to soothe myself, and I can sort of control it, but also sort of can’t. Often, I catch myself in the middle of it. It’s what some might call a motor tic. Some days are better than others.
I am so tired of companies and agencies and politics and waiting. I wish I could earn a living by writing what I feel like when I feel like it and releasing it out into the world. And telling stories. Everything else is exhausting and annoying. Also, I want to read poems to people all over the world and I want the poetry reading tickets to be free. All other activities are very draining. Just telling the truth. But at least there’s this place. There’s the utter. There’s you, there’s me.
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