things that I could do besides worry

Say the resounding no’s that are needed right now. Tell the girls what I learned in the wild.

Fall in love with a new poem. Break this damn English in forty places. Bend these silly rules of Engagement since they are not working for people like us, have never rarely worked for people like us, and people like us are tired, perhaps. Understand time as a divine faculty, not simply a resource to be bartered. Delete those apps from the phone. Send E a long, winding voicenote. Shape the growing story; all this hot, stained glass. Understand it is malleable, impressionable. Press lips hard against the windowpane. Marvel at the O shape. Be outside, even when the day is bold, and I am not. Find more things to love than to complain about. Find more people to love than people to complain about. Be a hell of a romantic—court joy as a new religion. Hold my own beautiful hands. Say the resounding no’s that are needed right now. Tell the girls what I learned in the wild. Start the alt club of my dreams. Become the CEO of the thrilling unknown. Talk about the confusion. Take these twisting wishes and almost wants & make love & strange art. Believe her. Believe him. Do Karaoke with J in Ktown again. Honour my beliefs but not so much that I cannot shift. Go to Nigeria and find my family. Go home to Jamaica. Bring something home to the land, and let it tell me ______ Nourish the earth and let the earth soothe. Let the life that I have set out work for me. Care even more about it all. Find inspiring methods of care. Hone a nurturing practice. Be in a new kind of communion. Work out what to do about the walls that have grown out of necessity. Sing about it. Fry plantains. Spend hours on good red rice. Invite folk around to eat. Tell her the truth about me, not her. Tell him the truth about me, not him. Tell them the truth about me, not them. Archive. Film. Draw. Paint. Put it out whether I think it’s ready or not. Learn everything from this.