THE (BIG) SHIFT

notes on locking in

Thank you for this, Lisa Olivera. I love what you said here. I’ve shown my he(art) here, in books, and in various places on the internet for a long time. Even so, I can forget. Things can get a little rote. It is easy to think, “I just do this.” No. Every time is an event. It is a reminder that I still can, and every time is a choice, a time I beat the inner critic, a time I wasn’t sure but showed up anyway. I didn’t always have the right words, but I used my mightiest approximation. I was maybe a little scared of the feeling, but I spoke on it.

Before getting into what this entry is about, I have to talk about how non-negotiable scheduling proper reading time has become, rather than reading by accident. There was a time when I read, I guess, because the days, hours, and afternoons were wide. Books found me, and I fell head first them without thinking about much else. Nowadays, if I don’t claim the time, something else will. I get a little disheartened sometimes when I think about how reading has shifted for me, but then I just remind myself that I can always alter that. It’s just something else to get intentional about. It’s a little more formal these days, to be honest. I block out the time, sit down and close everything else. In doing this, in scheduling book time, immersion has begun to return to me. That delicious feeling of doing one thing at once. I feel fuller. Here are the three I’m inside of right now.

The first is flooring me with its beauty and how much I feel. It is (and I cannot believe this is true) my first time reading an entire collection of poems by Patricia Smith, and if you have not, run to this!!

The second is loaded, eerie beyond measure. Last time I read it, I was 14. (A tough time of my life.) The third is, frankly, going over my head a lot, but I suppose that’s why I’m enjoying it.

In other news, my morning walk has gained more steps, veering off the path more often. I don’t know, in light of everything I’m reading and learning about the undersides of…well, everything, I just feel I need to see more flowers. Squint a little more in the sun. Do things a little more on purpose.

Onwards to the main event.

THE (BIG) SHIFT

Oh, I do love a movement. I love a new start, but as I was saying in last week’s post, I DO TOO MUCH, it can drain you or leave you quite scattered. But I do love a change. There’s a moment before every “serious” change in my life when I make the decision and stand in it. Before every book I’ve written, before I’ve cleaned up my eating, tightened my work, said no a few good times, deleted the number/app/habit, my concentration sharpens again. It always starts the same way, usually happening once I get exhausted from my own bargaining. My own I’ll do it later-isms. Things suddenly get very clear. No more negotiations. Suddenly, I’m not deciding from an emotional place, or even what we call motivation. There’s been a subtle structural change in my thinking.

One day, you wake up and simply decide, “No more.”

Decisions stack to form different results, a different life, even. Things like early nights (too easy for me tbh), remembering my nervous system protocols (if you ever want me to write in a more granular way on this, I absolutely will) …and removing extra bits in my life, extra open tabs that stress me out and cloud my thinking. Everything in my life, and that includes my artmaking, storytelling, organisation and reach, hangs on my mood. My mood hangs in the balance of whether or not I’m feeling healthy. My health hangs in the balance of small, unglamorous details. People won’t always say it like that, but there’s a science to this.

I’m beginning a Live Series called ‘THE SHIFT’ on March 15. This is the first session in a series of live rooms I’m running to hang out with the community here this year. In the first session, we’ll identify where your attention is leaking. You’ll leave having cut through noise and committed to a clear move.

The shift is not in changing our personalities, but in changing our standards. It’s uncomfortable. We’ll ask questions. You can’t chase the same comforts and expect a different result. You can’t scatter your attention all day and then ask it to work how you want it to. You can’t feed your Self and body inadequately and feel…well, you know where I’m going. It’s so easy to be gifted/inspired/talented, and still be dangerously unfocused, or adrift, at sea. THE SHIFT leans toward choosing, which can feel like one of the hardest things to do.

There are so many competing parts of me, you and everyone we know. I, for one, love options!!! I do not love repetition, to be honest, or working on something forever, but repetition is where something great builds. Most of the time, when I’ve written something I liked, I haven't felt inspired the whole way through. I felt a bit bored and tired, yet committed.

I think that’s THE SHIFT. It’s not in the least aesthetic, but The Shift is the moment you realise that your future is waiting for you. So enough with the negotiations. The room is for people who already have an idea of what they’re capable of and have done (or even lived) enough to understand that talent is not the issue. Energy is not the issue!!! Intelligence is certainly not the issue. We have to put our finger on the thing. Make it happen. If you want the moment where you stop bargaining with yourself and start operating with a bit more intention, come into the room. We’re choosing what has to go, what can stay, then building around that.

❤️Access for THE SHIFT is reserved for the paid subscribers. It is a free meet taking place live on March 15 at 1 pm PT. Just show up. All paid subscribers will receive a link via email 24 hrs in advance. If you want to step into this with me, subscribe below.