it's okay to want something else

a permission loop.

I

Yeah yeah,

You were the one who asked for this. When you were younger / more desperate, less informed / not as wise. You worked hard for it. Bled a little, or a lot. You said to the universe, or your parent(s) or your God

…if I get this, I’ll never complain. I’ll make the most of it. Just give me what I want. To quote that annoying, oft-misquoted sentiment,

Remember when you dreamed of being where you are now? 🫠

II

But look, now.

Something in you is shifting. Has shifted. Whatever it is you wanted isn't working;

refuses to ring true. The rewards do not materialise, or the dream you designed doesn’t fit. It is easy to read this as failure. If this is true, I continue to fail.

I look at it another way (of course I do!!!) I’d say I’m becoming clearer on what I want as I grow more informed, outside of the old traumas and my ego and the fear. This shifting goalpost is my brain doing what it does best — updating the model. Rerouting the map. Want must evolve. It has to. This brings me to the necessary informed pivot.

Well, I cannot stay in the world as it is and want the same things.