42 open tabs and no solution
try regulating before you rebrand
Friend,
I don’t like the rhetoric around dream-chasing. I don’t like the popular lies - especially the one that says if you just work hard, hard, hard and observe the rules, rules, rules, you’ll be alright. Not true. You most certainly will not be alright. This idea that the only thing between you and your dream future is how hard you’re willing to push? It’s a trap. It’ll keep you sick. It’ll keep you running around in circles or frozen in place, and obviously, neither is good.
It isn’t always about motivation. More often, it’s about capacity. Maybe your ambition isn’t waning or dead. Perhaps the grind just isn’t where you thrive. Have you considered that we might be existentially exhausted from the constant cycle of survival, from being too contactable, too responsive, soooo outraged, soo influenced, so vigilant? Does your mind and body feel frozen, bracing, under attack? Baby, it’s feedback. A message from you to you.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot as I get ready to go on tour. I’m wary of running on fumes and wont pretend I’m not anxious about the sheer number of stops, flights, days, nights, beds, both here in the U.S., where I currently live, and internationally. I’m feeling the need to qualify that with - but I’m grateful - as though there’s some shame and ungraciousness in acknowleging that I have three very taxing months coming up,
and though I could not be more excited about my book (I really could not) I am going into something that scares me a bit, the daily travel, the on-the-road regulation of it all, the lack of family or friends who can can join me on hotel room number five in as many days, let alone room number twelve. Frankly, it’s a nice problem to have. But since I care deeply about my mental health, and the things I put in my body day to day to keep me going, it’s still A. Thing. I know I have to pay attention. I have to move differently than I ever have before.
Our nervous systems are trying to keep us safe, not keep us relevant, employed or busy. When I don’t want to promote myself online, I guess that’s the N.S. doing its job. But what do you do when one win directly opposes the other? When promoting yourself hurts, but not promoting yourself costs you?
