In Sister Act Two: Back in The Habit (one of my childhood film faves - I can quote nearly every scene), Lauryn Hill’s character Rita Marie Watson endures a rough warning speech by her mother (played by the extraordinary Sheryl Lee Ralph), which goes to the tune of, “Singing does not put food on the table. Singing does not pay the bills. Singing is no guarantee to a future, even if you have talent.”
Lauryn: Mama, do you know I can sing?”
Sheryl: So could your daddy, and he died out there still trying to make it!
You know the gist, or I hope you do. Her mother bans her from participating in the national championships with Whoopi Goldberg, her other school friends and the other nuns at the ailing facility. Still, Rita Marie Watson is a rebellious young artist and must follow her heart - she forges her mother’s signature and sneaks off the championships anyway. The rest is gorgeous history (if, for some reason, you have yet to experience this gem of a film, I don’t want to ruin it for you.) What I’m asking is: Did I need a Sheryl? A mother or any guardian who warned me of the perils of this poetry/writing / existing thing? Would it have made any difference? Sheryl comes to her senses at the film’s end, but her argument is valid. Perhaps. Maybe.
As it happens, I didn’t grow up with any financial literacy, language, or bright idea about money and how to procure and grow it—the resounding, unending message was that we didn’t have enough to go around. I knew nothing of savings, bonds, stocks, building societies, or putting money where it matters. I knew my mother had a wallet full of credit cards, worked nights constantly for years, and was dog-tired forever. And so and so.
And so. People always ask me in my inbox about making a living from writing - whether it is viable or not, should they pursue what they really want to do or not - in short, the answer is along the lines of I don’t know…yes? No? Only if you have nerves of steel and you don’t need stability (financially or otherwise), and you know you can hack it? Only if you don’t mind submitting a manuscript and waiting nervously for months and months to no reply? Only if you don’t mind writing entire books on spec and wondering if they’re any good for over a year…or being offered honorariums in the very low hundreds to travel to the other side of the world or to hand out free poetry to wealthy organisations - churches, even? No, I’m not joking. It can all get (if you are taking stock), a little much.
But I am also saying that it is what you make it. And you can. Make it. If you read my work, you may not believe this, but I am still an optimist. I think most things are possible, and I am still working it out. As I age inside the politics and profession of poetry, I ask myself the same question repeatedly. Of course, it isn’t right away viable on the face of it - one has to be creative. I have to learn constantly and get hurt in the process…I must be willing to try new things, fail spectacularly, and hone this life as a writer by adapting to the seasons. Would I rather be doing something else? No. Could I support myself more easily if I adjusted my line of work? Absolutely. I write and do writer-adjacent things, and during the sentence of carrying out these writer-adjacent things, I have found activities that resonate and lots that do not, things that I want to nurture and sell, endeavours that are worth my time and those that have made me feel a little or wholly miserable and taken advantage of. I have been shortsighted. Naive. I have worked with companies that respect and compensate me and those that do not. These experiments led me to write screenplays and copy, edit, give advice, speak at conferences and become a personal mentor (one of the other things I love❤️). Let me say, too, that if there were a real and solid living to be made as a travelling poet, I would be away doing that. I’m working on it - book me! Like the rest of the world. I need to eat AND keep a roof over my head, which is work. All of it - work. I must stay active and loud enough when I want to hide away. I have to be sales-focused and inventive with it. Is it all worth it? Ummm…
I think so, but ask me again on a bad day; you may get a different answer. As a child, I was dead set on being a writer before I knew what it entailed (and thank God I didn’t.) Today, I am still, cruelly, for better AND worse, wholeheartedly addicted to the written word, and if it didn’t pay me a penny, I would still write poems. They are the work of my life. The funny thing is the word ‘poet’ will always give me a strange, uneasy feeling - there’s an imagined, dreamy pretension to it that I don’t feel comfortable assuming. I like to write, and much of that work is poetic. Call me a poet behind my back if you want. I have always been uncomfortable with labels and have problems committing to descriptors for the long haul. It’s what I like most about myself and also what causes me the most profound worry and most significant interpersonal issues. Oh well. Notes for the therapist, or perhaps I’ll blame it on my star sign.
I think you have to feel it out. You must understand your purpose and what you are willing to risk to feel like you are doing what you were put here on earth to do. You have to go toward the light, toward whatever quickens your heartbeat. In another part of the film, Whoopi’s character, Sister Marie Clarence, corners Rita Marie Watson on the street and quotes Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet to her.
Whoopi: Fella used to write to him and say - I want to be a writer; please read my stuff. And Rilke says to this guy, don’t ask me about being a writer. If when you wake up in the morning, you can think of nothing but writing, then you’re a writer. I want to say to you. If when you wake up in the morning, you can’t think of anything but singing first, then you should be a singer, girl.
Lauryn / Rita) : (Rolls eyes).
Sometimes, I wish I were a finance guy, but I am not. I wish numbers made my toes curl in pleasure, but mostly, they bore and frustrate me. I wish I gave more of a shit about academia, but I was too withdrawn and depressed in school. Mate, I tell stories, some tall, some dark, and that’s about the length of it.
If you have questions on this or anything else in the world, ask me here.
🌺❤️😊🦄😍
ANYWAY ENOUGH OF THAT. BUY MY MERCH!!!
I’m excited to share that my clothing, hats, prints, and sticker collection are now available at SUNSHINE SHOP!
I’m so glad you share your words with the world. I’ve loved everything you’ve written since I first read “the Terrible” years and years ago 📚♥️
Thrilled that you decided to stick with it. On a week when I’m considering a return to my old corporate world coz this writing gig is so damn precarious I really appreciate you writing this piece. And your honesty. And obvs your poetry is 👌