Welcome to the latest edition of ASK ME ANYTHING!!! Thank you for sending your questions! If you have questions for me…
LET’S GO.
1
Maybe this is a silly/vague question, so apologies in advance. What would your advice be for making the time to write poetry?
Not silly. I think this is a simple one for me to answer, though so simple that it probably sounds vague. You just do. It’s a little like how I handle a workout - and I’m sorry to compare the two. Since I know it must be done, I tackle it in the first part of the day. That’s how I feel about exercise, too, since there are always more pleasure-filled, lazier activities calling to me (👀 note: I’ve just looked ahead to question 2 and think I will answer these together- meet me there.)
2
Your work is so tender, honest, and delicate, and your writing puts me in such a specific headspace. For myself, I find it hard to access a kind of poetic voice amidst the business of life that often doesn’t allow for pause; I often feel removed from poetry, or it feels hard to reach, and I end up not engaging with it or writing it. Thank you, and hope you’re having a lovely day ✨
That makes sense. That’s why you get ahead of it, why I write in the morning, fresh out of dreams. Or I write after the morning walk when so much beauty has been folded into me and reinforced: the early morning sun, its reflection on the trees, the flowers, the quiet roads. As the day wears on, I have less and less chance of reading poetry - never mind writing it. Either I have things to solve, or someone’s asking for something in an email, or I have to cook, replenish, plan, return a phone call or avoid one
or figure out money, or, or, or …
3.
How do you keep developing something long after the initial spark and first draft? I really struggle to continue to draft once the initial inspiration has left?
Occasionally, I’ve opened Word or the Notes App only to find something cool that I was working on and abandoned. I’ll think - I had something here, what happened. Maybe it was depression, or I just got busy or distracted. To avoid such happening, I make sure I invest a considerable chunk of time in the beginning - this helps weigh the momentum in the new project's direction. I know they say to keep things to our chest, especially in early creation - but I don’t adhere to that rule. I tell people. I need witnesses! Sometimes, we need cheering along.
Also…
4.
I am struggling to find my self-worth after my boyfriend left me. I am able to be with other men, but I don’t like them as much as I liked him and that also makes me feel even worse. I also don’t want to just seek external validation, but all the internal validation affirmations and self-care stuff don’t seem to be helping to take away the emptiness I experience. I am so unhappy that I think it makes me impossible for anyone to love because I’m just not fun anymore. How do I get my magic back? Thank you.
I think that the brutal, unsexy truth is this: it just takes time, and it takes as much time as the time it takes! 🙄 We try to rush things - and you can certainly try (that is, you can go through the motions. But you will find yourself comparing and coming up short if you do not allow yourself the time to heal and process. Often, it takes longer than we feel like it should, and it takes us a while to regain our sense of fun. What you likely miss is the self you were with him; it’s a grand and overwhelming missing of yourself - yourself when you felt seen, desired, and cared for. Forget romantic love for a while and seeing yourself only through the eyes of the beloved. You said the self-care and affirmations weren’t working - were they traditional methods? If I were you, I would surround/insulate myself with all the things (new and old) that inspire me. I would make mood boards; I might change up my style - love me a reinvention! Head toward the unusual - say yes to new things - if possible, travel, or enter new scenarios - the novel and the thrilling. Say no to the comfortable, familiar. Love up on yourself (as in, give yourself profound grace.) Let yourself grow, even in rest. Accept invitations to new parts of yourself outside of the romantic - nurture platonic relationships. get to know your friends in new ways. Suprise each other. Allow yourself to fall in love with the wonders of life, and you will fall in love with yourself again. That is what we want.
5.
What are five books or reading materials you would recommend that inspire creativity, writing, or just simply your favourite?
100 Sonnets - Pablo Neruda
(a new current obsession). I’m thinking of the Stephen Tapscott translation, which gives me little fireworks of pleasure in my brain. The language xxx whoa.
Written On The Body - Jeanette Winterson.
I quote this book, and I quote this book, and I quote this book. I don’t know what else to say. It floors me.
The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison
A ‘proper heartbreaking’, gritty and stunning read. It makes me want to tell the truth, whatever the truth may be.
On Writing - Stephen King
An excellent book on craft, life - what it means to use your craft. What it means to craft a life.
Autography Of Red - Ann Carson
This book opened me up so much - and I’m still unsure exactly how - or why. But Carson’s writing does that to me often. This is a strange, delicious book. I find the unusual in her work, which thrills me - the surreal, frightening, and oddly shaped truth.
Oh, I must add more jewels here.
Don’t Let Me Be Lonely - Claudia Rankine
Sonata - Jackie Kay
Vagabonds! - Eloghosa Osunde
Dear Senthuran - Akwaeke Emezie
6.
I read and loved The Terrible. As a black lesbian, it really resonated with me. I also practice divination and talk to my ancestors. I wanted to know how you felt about dreaming about your mom. If I’m remembering correctly, one of the messages she sent you was about who she thought you should be with. Do you think our ancestors evolve with how they think about sexuality, and do you believe that our romantic relationships can unlock doors for our spirituality to deepen?
Thank you!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️ I’m glad you loved the book. Besides this newsletter, it’s the most authentic thing I ever wrote. And thank you again. I love the framing of my mother coming to visit me in my dreams as spiritual - there are so many different ways I have interpreted it over the years. The fact that she is still in me - we belonged to each other in a sense, or that my heart and brain had to devise a way to keep her close, a strange complication of memory? A gift from the divine? I know that I do not walk alone. As far as advice, well, my mother was a flawed human, and I am a flawed human. The next generation will be a bunch of flawed humans. In The Terrible, my mother’s voice is a version of my inner monologue - what I think/thought/wanted to believe she might have said. Of course, inaccurate. Were she alive now, her ideas would likely have adapted to suit the times. I think it’s both.all.every.thing - all knowledge is ancient knowledge. Perhaps ancestors are not our guides but our ordained community. Maybe we seek counsel from them not because they know more but because they have lived and seen the other side. But what do I know about it? I guess I’ll see when I get there.
7.
Ever seen a ghost? Or spirit?
I feel more than I see. I receive messages through my work, through dreams and ideas. It’s not visual for me; it’s sensational. So yes, all the time and no, never.
8.
Do you feel artists have a ‘duty?’ if so, what do you think it is?
Yep, keep yourself free of mandates, agenda and SHOULDS. It’ll kill the message. Try to reflect with only the deepest parts of yourself. You have to eat, so understand your personal thoughts about what’s for sale and what isn’t. Be okay with it, or don’t do it. Difficult in today’s economy but not impossible. Your path is not your peers path. Be about something different.
9.
How’s little Roo? How’s y’all’s relationship now? How’s your older brother? Are your grandparents still alive?
Little Roo is doing well—raising his kids in the town we were born in. My older brother is doing well. He came to my show in Manchester, and we stayed together that night. He’s into conspiracy theories and alternative ways of making money. My grandparents passed away just over a couple of years ago. They were both in their nineties.
I wrote about it here;
and here
10.
Do you ever write about your experiences and feelings and share them publicly before having private conversations about them? Does that make things weird or awkward?
I mean…hmmm. I process some of my feelings right here and share them publicly first - but I like to think that I
write kindly and (mostly) objectively, giving grace - and most importantly, anonymity
write mostly about myself anyway - everyone else is off the hook.
…..
Thank you so much. I enjoyed answering these! More soon.
Love,
Love this, thank you 💜
reading this during my lunch break and it’s sparking so much joy/wonder in me. definitely getting into those sonnets by Neruda. and writing in the mornings!!
thank you for being
xx