It’s a riot, the way that things circle. When I was eighteen, I considered attending University to appease my mother. Also, I was two years deep in the kind of relationship that no one my age should have been in with someone I shouldn’t have been with. I didn’t know where I was going; I only wanted to perform and make art. I needed to escape the relationship, too. So why not school? Why not an institution of higher learning? I Ioved, loved loved to read and to learn. I wanted to do it on my terms, though, not because everyone I knew my age was going away to study.
I didn’t go; it wasn’t the right time and may not have been the right place. What I needed was focus and time, not another learning institution with alcohol and drugs close at hand. I’m happy I did things my way without much to guide me. I’m so glad my intuition did the talking.
Why am I telling you this? Well, decades later—(2022)—a message appears in my inbox—a message from the Vice Chancellor of the University that I considered all those years ago. Here are two sentences from the letter.
It gives me great pleasure to invite you to accept the award of an Honorary Doctorate from the University. The Doctor of Letters (DLitt) honoris causa award would mark your outstanding contribution to literature and diversity through your fiction, poetry and prose.
Of all the Universities in the country…I thought—what a wonderful circle—and then promptly closed the email, which remained unanswered for months and months. For those of you who want to know - I’m (mostly) highly efficient at handling communication and emails and rarely leave an email unattended, but something about the whole thing shut my brain down. I suppose I’m still not great at being celebrated. I miss having a working family unit. Sometimes, the dark part of my mind will tell me there’s more, more to do, more, more to achieve, and what do I look like celebrating….and there’s no point in dragging friends out to celebrate because they all have better things to do, and my mother and father and brothers are not around anymore, so stop being extra and just work work work…
to prove yourself real…
but
my friends are my chosen family, and these beloved people are abundant. It’s all a mind thing. I likely didn’t answer the email because of all of the above; plus, the University is up North, close to my home town (which could be a trigger if I wanted to look at things that way). But I won’t (be looking at things that way). I get to choose how I interpret what happens in life.
Thank goodness the University followed up and followed up, and now, two years after their initial email, I am flying back to the UK to celebrate my honorary doctorate with my friends, who are indeed family. And reader, I get to share this with you. I have recently realised that, in a way, I am still holding myself back. Even a few months ago, I wouldn’t have Substacked about this. I would have swallowed the honour politely and privately, but who has time for that? Existing loudly, being joyful, and celebrating with vigour is a service. So, I wanted to tell everyone here. Thank you for walking this path with me. More great news soon.
All love,
Yrsa Daley-Ward
Congratulations on your full circle moment and thank you for sharing it with us! I especially appreciate this post as I’m considering going back to my hometown and am actively choosing not to be triggered and allowing myself the experience of being celebrated in a place where i experienced some of the most painful events. Your words and experiences are always so timely when you share them. I don’t take for granted the bravery, strength, and growth it took for you to be here to share with us. You deserve this honor and many others. Celebrating you incessantly Yrsa 💕
Congratulations to you! You are an inspiration to many. You are brave and I admire you for sharing your successful steps in life. You learned from the darker moments and have risen to the top. Keep on climbing!